Itty...Bitty...baby steps.

So after my last blog things are going slowly but surely back to normal.  At least I am hoping so.  Never want to go through anything like this again.  Now I am not saying that things are perfect and all "la la land" or anything.  Like I said things take time.  The fights have stopped which is good.  And communications has started it's rebuilding process. 

This incident has also given me a chance to sit back and take a looooooong look at myself, my life and the things I want for my family, and me.  I do understand that again things will take time.  Nothing happens over night.  Well unless you win the lottery and then you can make things happen over night.  But that's another pipe dream.

On a more positive note, 10 days until we leave for our trip.  So that is keeping me going! As well as the support from a lot of friends and family.  Soon I will be able to once again feed my addiction to WDW!

Shattered

That is the only way I can describe this blog.  Shattered.  As well as hurt, sad, but also angry and seriously pissed off.  I found out some very awful things yesterday about someone that has claimed to be my friends.  And if you read my last post.... I have trust issues and don't have a lot of people to talk to.  This sort of explains why.  I refuse to use names in the blog to protect all of those involved.  But I also know that certain people who read this will know exactly what I am talking about.

I know that I could make things easy and call said person who betrayed me some pretty awful things.  But I also know I really need to calm down and take a step back.  Look at the situation very thoroughly and figure out what is best for me.

Feeling Anti Social.

Been feeling somewhat moody lately.  I am sure everyone  it's normal.  Could be from not enough sleep, could be from just life in general.  But my moods tends to be up and down.  I am usually a pretty positive person in general.  Or at least I try to be.  There are just times when things get me down.  I tend to over think a lot of things that just aren't that big of a deal.  It could be just my own insecurities.  It could also be my constant needs for reassurance that things are good and fine in my life.


I don't have a lot of close friends and I used to think that wasn't such a big deal.  Though as I am getting older, I admit I am a bit jealous of getting to see many people I know still in their social groups from high school or even grade school.

The subject of being social and hanging out with friends has become a constant discussion between Chuck and I.  He tends to be a bit easier going then I am with people.  I take a very long time to open up.  Always have since I have been burned and hurt a lot in the past.  And the "discussion" tend to turn into arguments.  I bottle a lot up inside and don't let me feelings out.

I kind of wish I could find an easier way to be around people.  I don't want to be the weird chick that no one can talk to.  Or the control freak that I tend to get accused of being.  Maybe I should have tried to be a bit more out going as a young person.  But since there is no chance of that now.  I guess I will just have to deal.

Road Warrior to be

Had a pretty good day.  Got some driving practice in.  Beware all, I may just be brave enough to soon take my road test and officially drive the roads on my own.  Driving has never been a big deal for me.  If I sit down and think about it, it's probably because I have always had boyfriends with car that could drove me around.  Now I know that sounds bad, but in a way I have never had a need or want to drive myself.  But as I am getting older I have noticed how much I not only need to be able to drive myself.  But also how much I would like to have the freedom of not having to find a ride with someone.  Be it my husband or a friend or even my parents.  Who knows maybe I will get up the courage by the end of this year.

Actually the driving test is something that also scares me.  The thought of being in a small space with someone pretty much judging your every move.  And then they get to decided whether you can drive or not.  It's never wracking!  Here's hoping I can get past this soon.

Almost there....

So now we have our room vouchers, extra tickets and Magical Express package. We are down to 20 days to go!  Getting excited.  But also just wanting to get there and try to relax.  I have been working so much lately.

When I am home I am wondering why I not working and don't know what to do with myself.  It's also getting impossible to sleep in.  As you can see I am writing this blog at 7:32am.... those who know me well enough are looking at me like I am crazy.  But this what happens when you constantly start work at 6am all the time.

Day shifts are nice.  Very glad to be off midnights.  But I do miss a bit of the freedom during the day that midnights gave me.  What I don't miss though is the very strange sleeping hours and having to switch my days around on the days off I had.

For the trip so far I have a bit of thing ready.  If I had my way I'd be already packed.  But Chuck won't let me. >.< Which is understandable.  Can you tell I am ready to go?

Something else going through my head lately is that the holidays are coming up.  I can't wait!  I don't like months without holidays in them.  I am a huge Halloween and Christmas person and like to go all out.  Hopefully I will get the chance to this year.

Listening to "Root Before Branches"  Glee Soundtrack